[Jazz Paladin]

For the youtube link you posted: From what I can tell from a mixing standpoint, the essential midrange carries through well.

From a musical standpoint, I'd say this is pretty good. Perhaps a bit cliché if it is meant for a particular genre (this feels RPG-esque if that is what you are aiming for), but then again cliché can be good if it can immediately gives the player some sort of "musical association" for what type of game it is going to be based solely off of the music.

Provided that you don't have a non-disclosure agreement or something, what platform is this for? Knowing this helps on a few levels, as some music is designed to sound optimally for say cell phones and tablets as opposed to a high-fidelity system.

Another point to mention is that since youtube compresses music in a rather nasty way, it may be a good idea to link directly to perhaps a lossless rendition of your music if you are looking for critical mixing analysis. I usually find that when I post my content on Youtube it jumps quite a bit in level between the original recording, and can really give a false impression of what the mix was REALLY like when it is hosted on Youtube.