Pretty good translation, here's some comments and corrections:
03. "Trembling mad with hatred in the game of death"
ニ is katakana for the particle に, not kanji for "second" or "two".
05. "Grave keeper's anger"
墓守 is actually hakamori.
08. Depending on in-game context, it might be better to replace "rebellion" with "riot" or "unrest".
09. "Beast" sounds better than "large animal". Matter of preference.
13. "Banquet of blood and madness colored by a beautiful voice"
Just rearranging phrases.
14. Some redundancy here, just "Emperor of Hades" should do.
17. 交狂曲 is a pun on 交響曲 ("symphony"). "Mad Symphony" should capture the meaning better than "mixed enthusiastic song".
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