Hi James,
I listened to the track in your first post. There's definitely some originality to it, and I liked the theme. Good job.
However I can give you some tips on the mixing process. But first I need to know whether you're mixing on Monitors or Headphones?
I've also posted a similar topic in this forum about a track which I composed for a Lord of the Rings video game. Everyone here is welcome to check it out and leave a comment/feedback:
http://vgmdb.net/forums/showthread.php?t=14327
Thanks!
~ Shadow of Light